Welcome back to the podcast. Today, we’re going to talk about navigating other people’s emotions and helping your staff do the same. I wanted to address this because emotions in schools—especially those of teachers and staff—can cause a lot of stress on principals.

When I think about helping principals maintain their own well-being and make the job sustainable, I really focus on managing our own emotions around others when they’re very emotional, and how we can guide teachers to do that as well.

I feel strongly that we teach students emotional intelligence—how to navigate their feelings. For example, the counselor I worked with at my last elementary school was teaching cognitive behavioral therapy concepts to students—the idea that our thoughts create our emotions and actions. That’s exactly what I teach in coaching.

I remember being excited because I didn’t learn that until I was an adult. Many teachers we work with also lack emotional regulation skills. Schools can become places of heightened emotions among staff, which makes it stressful, damages morale, and creates a challenging work environment—not just for principals but for teachers too.

So I thought this would be a great episode to address: How do we navigate others’ emotions? And how do we help our teachers and staff members navigate theirs?

I’ll refer mostly to teachers, but this applies to any staff, including classified staff. In my experience, emotions ebb and flow throughout the school year—there are times when feelings are heightened, and times when everyone is fine.

I actually have a lesson on this in my course, The Sustainable Principal, because these emotional ebbs and flows are one of the challenges of being a principal. You have to know when people are most emotional and how to navigate that.

Today, I’ll give you some tips on navigating others’ emotions and ways to help your teachers do the same.

Tip 1: Understand what emotions people are feeling.
This requires reflection. Sometimes we see a teacher who seems angry, and we think, “Okay, they’re mad,” and may even judge that. But emotions are complex—there’s much more than just mad, sad, or disappointed.

You have to get to the root of the emotion and remember that everyone is entitled to feel however they feel. Don’t take it personally.

Make it a priority to understand what’s happening with your staff—and this applies to parents too when they’re emotional. Keep regular check-ins and open communication.

I remember teachers coming to me upset, and at times it felt defeating because I thought, “I’m really trying to make this a culture where people feel valued and heard.”

Then a teacher said, “We come to you upset because we know you’ll listen.” That was a game-changer.

When people come to you upset, it means you’ve created a safe space for vulnerability and trust, which is amazing.

But as a principal, navigating many emotions can be hard. It’s a good thing—you just have to be able to handle it.

So again, truly listen when people talk to you. Don’t get defensive. Gather information about what’s going on in your building.

Tip 2: Empathize with their emotions, but don’t make it your problem.
I’m a super empathetic person, and many educators are too. But sometimes that empathy makes others’ emotions become our problem, and that’s not healthy.

Practice genuine empathy—try to understand why people feel a certain way—and approach them with compassion rather than judgment or criticism.

However, maintain boundaries. You don’t have to fix everyone’s emotional state.

Remember, emotions come from our thoughts, which lead to actions. You can’t change someone else’s thoughts, but you can understand and empathize.

Tip 3: Decide how you want to respond to others’ emotions.
When someone comes to you highly emotional, you get to choose how to show up.

You don’t have to match their emotion. As a leader, you need to stay grounded and avoid getting swept up in heightened feelings.

Be aware of the overall emotions in your building and plan your own thoughts ahead of time to shape your emotions and actions.

Since your thoughts create your emotions and actions, deliberately think empathetic—not judgmental—thoughts about the situation and person. That will impact how you feel and act.

Here’s an example:

In elementary school, a big emotional issue was switching to the science of reading.

Many teachers felt attacked because the message was, “We’ve been teaching reading wrong for 20 years.” They felt like they’d messed up kids.

Education is personal and teachers are passionate, so it created a highly emotional environment with resistance and pushback.

As a leader, it was important to understand those emotions weren’t directed at me personally but came from teachers criticizing themselves.

They wondered how they hadn’t known better and felt they weren’t good enough.

When I realized that, it changed my response.

Instead of taking it personally, I empathized with their feelings and deliberately chose how to think about and address those emotions.

I acknowledged their feelings but didn’t make their emotions my problem—I couldn’t “fix” their feelings.

We had to move forward with the initiative because research showed it was best for kids.

One way I responded was by providing more training to help teachers through the change.

I also validated their feelings and was vulnerable—telling them I taught the old way too, that we were learning together.

These approaches matter when managing high-stakes emotions.

Tip 4: Model emotional regulation for your staff.
Be the grounded leader who shows healthy ways to handle stress and challenges.

Show that you’re in it with them but leading the way calmly.

Don’t get caught up in staff emotions, even if you disagree with an initiative.

Be transparent about how you manage your emotions.

I often told teachers I focus on what I can control and let go of what I can’t.

I taught the team method: thoughts create emotions, which create actions.

I gave examples of how I navigated tough emotional situations.

I spent time teaching staff how to manage their emotions.

Now, how do you share this with staff?

I was lucky because I was going through life coach certification while doing this, but any leader can do it.

Model how you navigate stress in a grounded way.

Create structured outlets for emotional processing.

Having teachers come talk to you is huge, but you can also:

• Use exit slips at staff meetings where teachers share what’s going well, what support they need, and their frustrations.

• Create “temperature checks” to understand staff concerns regularly.

• Allow time for staff to discuss stressors in small groups during meetings.

Let them process emotions without necessarily fixing the cause—just hearing them helps you support better.

Provide professional development on emotional intelligence and stress management.

My school counselor helped with this, teaching about how thoughts create emotions and actions.

Offering PD reminds everyone how to handle stress well.

Designate spaces and times for staff to decompress and process difficult situations together.

For example, when a teacher was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and later passed away, we created spaces for staff to process those emotions as a group before and after.

These opportunities for shared processing are crucial.

Develop proactive coping strategies with your staff.

We know certain times of year—like right before spring break—are especially stressful.

Help teachers have plans for managing stress, focusing on what they can control.

Encourage self-care: taking breaks, setting boundaries, maintaining work-life balance.

When teachers hear that from their leader, it empowers them.

I often coached teachers on setting boundaries around communicating with parents outside work hours.

Encourage staff to work hard during the day, then spend quality time with family.

Provide resources and techniques for managing emotional challenges with parents or students.

If a teacher has to talk to a difficult parent, I would support and prep them with talking points, remind them not to take it personally, and help them stay grounded.

Finally, guide teachers to create personal action plans for high-stress periods.

Ask, “What are you doing to take care of yourself? How are you checking in with your emotions?”

I’ll include a link in the show notes with a guide of activities I used with staff that you might find helpful.

If you want one-on-one suggestions, I offer free consultations—feel free to reach out.

Those are my suggestions for today.

I hope you found this helpful and focus on regulating your own emotions in high-stress situations, modeling for your staff, and equipping them with tools to do the same.

If you want to make your principalship sustainable—where you can have real work-life balance and do the job long term—click the link in the show notes to check out my course, The Sustainable Principal.

I created this course to help principals build practices that sustain them in their roles.

If you’re struggling with work-life balance or don’t know what that even looks like, this course is for you.

And if you love the show, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts—it helps others find it.

Remember, you have the power to shape your life through the mindset you choose.

I hope you have a great week, and I’ll see you back here next time.