[00:00:00] Welcome to The Principal’s Handbook, your go-to resource for principals looking to revamp their leadership approach and prioritize self-care. I’m Barb Flowers, a certified life coach with eight years of experience as an elementary principal. Tune in each week as we explore strategies for boosting mental resilience, managing time effectively, and nurturing overall wellness.

From tackling daily challenges to maintaining a healthy work-life balance, I’m Barb Flowers. Together, we’ll navigate the complexities of school leadership, foster your sense of purpose as a principal, and reignite your passion for the job. Welcome to a podcast where your well-being is the top priority.

Welcome everyone to the podcast. I’m so excited today to have Jen Schwanke with us. Jen is the author of The Principal’s Guide to Conflict, which we’re going to discuss today. She has also authored You’re the Principal, Now What?, The Principal Reboot, and The Teacher’s Principal. She has written for Educational Leadership Magazine, Choice Literacy, Education Week Teacher, Principal, and Principal Navigator.

Jen, thank you for joining us today.

Jen Schwanke: Thank you, Barb. It’s great to be here. I was just reminiscing about how we met several years ago at a conference, and now here we are again!

Barb: Yes, I remember you talking about your book You’re the Principal, Now What?—a book I love to buy for every principal I mentor when they take over a new building. It’s so practical with so many great takeaways.

Jen Schwanke: That’s so kind, Barb. I’m glad it’s helpful! But today, I’m really excited to talk about The Principal’s Guide to Conflict. When I saw that you wrote this book, I thought, “I wish I had this when I started as a principal.” As an elementary teacher turned principal, I’m a people-pleaser, and conflict was tough for me. So, what inspired you to write this book?

Jen Schwanke: Exactly what you said—becoming a principal means suddenly everyone looks to you whenever there’s conflict. And it’s overwhelming. You have to fix it, mediate it, or sometimes even ignore it. I’ve been amazed by the response to this book, because many principals think they have to master conflict resolution right away. But here’s the problem: many principals think that if there’s no conflict, they’re succeeding. I really want to challenge that mindset. Conflict, when managed well, can be productive and help open up new perspectives. But if it’s not handled correctly, it can have long-lasting negative effects.

Barb: I think about when I was a new principal working with my leadership team. We had such strong personalities, and there was conflict. At first, I felt overwhelmed, but one of the teachers said something that helped. She said, “We feel comfortable expressing this in this room with you.” It was a breakthrough moment. How boring would it be if everyone agreed all the time?

Jen Schwanke: Exactly! Teachers can easily fall into an echo chamber where everyone agrees, but that doesn’t lead to growth. And for principals, it’s important to recognize the difference between conflict, disagreement, confrontation, and competition. Conflict doesn’t always have to be negative.

Barb: What are your thoughts on balancing the need to address conflict promptly while managing more complex issues? Sometimes, we hear conflict and think we need to jump in right away, but when should we let it be a healthy disagreement versus stepping in as a principal?

Jen Schwanke: I have a simple rule that I call my Four Tens Rule. If it’s going to be a non-issue in 10 minutes, let it go. But if it’s going to matter in 10 hours, 10 days, or even 10 months, then step in. Some conflicts, like a small scuffle on the playground, won’t matter in 10 minutes. But others, if left unchecked, can escalate and cause long-term issues. The key is identifying how much it matters and how it affects your school’s work.

Barb: I like that. How do you distinguish between small conflicts and more serious ones?

Jen Schwanke: It’s about analyzing the impact. Is it a temporary issue that will resolve itself? Or will it have a lingering effect on students, staff, or parents? In some cases, it’s best to step back and let the conflict resolve naturally. In others, you may need to mediate or facilitate a conversation.

Barb: I love the idea of identifying tattling versus real problems. It reminds me of how teachers often need to differentiate between minor complaints and real behavioral issues in the classroom. How can principals identify these moments?

Jen Schwanke: Exactly. You have to teach your staff the difference between minor issues that can be handled by themselves and real conflicts that need your involvement. Encourage them to bring you the important issues and not the trivial ones.

Barb: In your book, you talk about conflicts with teachers, parents, and students. Can you break down how conflict looks in these three areas, especially with parents?

Jen Schwanke: For principals, conflict with students is somewhat straightforward. We have handbooks, policies, and protocols. But adult conflicts—whether with teachers or parents—are trickier. With teachers, respect is key. There will be disagreements, especially in diverse, hardworking teams, but fostering respect can help manage conflict. When it comes to parents, you’re dealing with a spectrum of engagement levels. Some are overly involved, while others are disengaged. But you always have to manage relationships carefully, as they can become highly emotional.

Barb: You also mention a three-step process for handling conflict. Can you explain that?

Jen Schwanke: Yes, it’s a cycle. The first step is anticipating conflict. Look for areas in your school where conflict may naturally arise—unstructured time, workload imbalances, communication gaps. Then, analyze the situation. What’s the root cause of the conflict? Is it a misunderstanding, a deeper issue, or just tattling? And finally, act. Decide what needs to be done—mediate, facilitate, or sometimes do nothing. Inaction is also a valid choice. Sometimes waiting until emotions settle can be the best course of action.

Barb: I love that. And how do you manage your emotions as a principal when conflict arises?

Jen Schwanke: Managing emotions is hard but crucial. I’ve learned to listen to my body—my heartbeat, my shaking hands—and take a break. Stepping away and giving myself time to calm down helps me respond more thoughtfully. I tell principals, there are very few emergencies in education. Most conflicts can wait a little while. And when I’ve acted too quickly, I’ve always regretted it.

Barb: That’s so important. I know I’ve had moments where I’ve said, “I’m going to step away and think about this,” which is powerful both for me and those I’m communicating with.

Jen Schwanke: Exactly. It gives you time to process and ensures your response is thoughtful, not emotional. And when you pause, it models a great behavior for the rest of your staff.

Barb: Before we wrap up, what’s your biggest takeaway for principals managing conflict?

Jen Schwanke: Conflict is inevitable. In many cases, it’s a sign of a healthy culture. We need to embrace it, manage it effectively, and use it as an opportunity for growth. The goal is not to avoid conflict but to handle it well, creating a productive environment where everyone feels respected and heard.

Barb: I love that. Thanks so much, Jen, for being here and sharing your insights. Where can people find your book?

Jen Schwanke: They can find The Principal’s Guide to Conflict on Amazon or ASCD’s website. And feel free to email me through my website at JenSchwanke.com.

Barb: Thanks again, Jen! And everyone, don’t forget to check out Jen on the podcast, Principal Matters, co-hosted with Will Parker. You can find it wherever you listen to podcasts.