Welcome back to the podcast. Today, we’re going to be talking about comparison. Teddy Roosevelt says, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and I love that quote because I think it’s so true.

When we compare ourselves to others, we take away all the joy and gratitude from what we’re doing. I really want to talk about comparison today because it’s so hard not to compare ourselves. With social media and hearing about all the great things principals are doing, it can be really tough not to start comparing yourself and thinking, “What I’m doing is not good enough.”

I want to start by talking about why we compare ourselves. First, our brain is wired to protect us, which results in negative comparison. Our brain automatically defaults to the negative, so when we hear something, it’s trying to protect us by going to that negative feeling of, “I’m not doing enough,” or “I’m not good enough.”

The more we do that, the more our brain’s wired that way. We all have that self-critic who judges us constantly. I’ve done some positive intelligence coaching where they call it “the judge.” We all have this judge inside, judging us every move we make and everything we do wrong.

When we compare ourselves, that judge becomes really strong, telling us all the things we should be doing differently or aren’t doing but should be.

That’s one reason we compare.

Another reason is professional pressure to have continuous improvement, which is good—we want to keep growing as school leaders. But what is continuous improvement? Sometimes I’ve looked at it as changing all the time, but it’s not necessarily doing different things all the time—it’s constant growth and self-reflection. It depends on how we view continuous improvement.

Also, in education, in many states, public schools’ report card grades are published. That information is out there for parents to see. So when you see other schools doing really well, it’s hard not to compare yourself to that.

Obviously, there’s no context to those schools—the demographics or challenges they face. You might compare schools on a piece of paper and think your school is doing terrible, but that doesn’t account for all the growth your school has made or challenges you’ve overcome.

It can be really hard not to compare yourself when you see those test scores.

There’s also the desire to serve students to the best of our ability. I always had this nagging voice in my head asking, “Am I doing my best to serve kids?” And sometimes that led me to try to do more and more, which isn’t always best—even if it’s a really good program.

What’s best for kids is consistency and helping teachers implement sustainable, practical practices in their classrooms.

I talked about sustainable leadership in the last podcast, and I think it’s a good topic for teachers, too. What is sustainable for them to actually do in their classrooms? Are we putting too many initiatives in place because we’re constantly comparing what other schools do?

We want our school to be better, but then we create practices that aren’t good for everyone, aren’t sustainable, and just create stress and more comparison.

Now, what happens when we compare—and why is it a problem?

When we compare ourselves to others, it leads to decreased job satisfaction. Nobody is happy when you’re constantly comparing. Like Teddy Roosevelt said, comparison is the thief of joy. You’re stealing all the joy from your job.

Think about why you became a principal. I’m sure it wasn’t to compare yourself to others. Usually, it’s because you wanted to make a difference in some way, in that school.

If you’re constantly comparing, you really can’t do that.

Over time, that negative judge in your brain—the critic—leads to burnout because you can’t sustain that stress long term.

Chronic stress leads to burnout.

Another problem with comparison is losing focus on your school’s unique needs and strengths.

You forget what’s great about your school because you’re busy looking at other schools and what other principals are doing better.

You think the grass is greener on the other side instead of appreciating where you are.

When we compare, we also rush important decisions because we want to keep up with others.

I’ve been guilty of this myself—making rushed decisions that weren’t best for my building just to keep up.

You also lose the ability to recognize small wins and progress in your building when you’re constantly comparing.

Teachers can sense when their leader is always comparing their building to others, and it impacts staff morale.

If you’re constantly trying to emulate others instead of being confident in yourself, it creates a negative culture where staff think nothing they do is good enough.

And then there’s doing too much.

When we compare, we try to make all changes at once—and we can’t.

That’s a hidden cost of comparison.

So, today I want to talk about how to break free from comparison.

First, develop awareness of your comparison triggers.

Notice when you’re comparing—maybe in an admin meeting, a principals meeting, a mastermind group, or on social media.

Notice those thoughts like, “Wow, look at that great thing they’re doing. I should be doing that.”

Anytime you hear yourself say “should,” get rid of that thought.

“Should” is never good for us because who really knows what we should be doing?

But when we compare, it’s easy to fall into “should” thinking.

Develop awareness of those thoughts and stop internalizing them.

The “perfect principal” narrative is another big one.

With social media and podcasts, we see people who look like perfect leaders.

I was guilty of this as a new principal—thinking, “There’s the perfect principal, and I’m not that person.”

Instead of having confidence that I was doing my best and being a strong leader.

But no one is the perfect principal.

No one walks into a building and makes every perfect decision.

Experienced principals have knowledge, but none are perfect.

You are on your own unique journey—focus on that.

So, stop internalizing the perfect principal narrative.

Also, I read lots of leadership books and sometimes compared myself to what the book said I should do.

If I wasn’t consistent with that, I beat myself up.

Drop the idea of the perfect principal.

Practice neutral self-talk.

I’ll share some power phrases at the end.

Practice having neutral, realistic thoughts like, “We’re all learning and growing,” that you can tell yourself when comparison thoughts arise.

Acknowledge that every school has its own unique context that you don’t really know, even if you think you do.

You don’t know their student demographics, resources, staff experience, personalities, historical challenges and successes, or funding.

Don’t compare your school to another.

Focus on your school’s individual growth trajectory.

Focus on where your school is now and where it’s going.

Notice small wins.

Look at your data and all the things happening in your building.

Compare yourself to yourself—compare your school to your school.

That’s all you can do.

When you do that, you set attainable goals.

Create success metrics based on what your school community needs.

For example, in my previous school, we needed to improve our reading practices.

Instead of focusing on what everyone else was doing or chasing new curriculums other districts purchased, we thought about what was right for our community.

What did our specific students, EL population, and special needs students need?

Focus on your school’s specific needs.

To break free from comparison, focus on building a positive leadership mindset.

It builds confidence.

Focusing on positivity and gratitude makes it harder to focus on negatives.

Shift to a positive leadership mindset and maintain gratitude.

Some ways to do this:

• Keep a gratitude journal and focus on daily wins.

You can do this verbally with someone or write down three wins every day.

I’ve focused on gratitude lately and it’s made me so much happier.

I naturally think about things I’m grateful for throughout the day because I’m rewiring my brain.

• Connect with mentor principals for genuine sharing, not comparing.

Find people you can share with and who support each other, not one-up.

• Document your school’s progress with photos and stories.

Though social media can trigger comparison, focusing on your own school’s story helps you appreciate your wins.

• Celebrate improvements relative to your starting point.

Look at your school’s growth and share wins with your staff.

That positivity boosts morale.

Also, share challenges with a trusted colleague.

I worked with multiple elementary principals and could talk to them about challenges—it was helpful.

Have people you trust who can coach you through challenges and help reframe your thinking.

Now, take some time to think about why you personally compare—what triggers it?

Focus on these strategies to break free from comparison.

Once you do, you’ll be much happier and enjoy your journey as a principal.

I want to end with five power phrases you can think of when struggling with comparison:

1. My leadership journey is uniquely mine. I trust my experience, instincts, and deep knowledge of my school community.

2. I am exactly where I need to be in my growth as a leader. The challenges I face today build the wisdom and resilience I’ll need tomorrow. Each step, even the difficult ones, has purpose.

3. My school story is beautifully complex and cannot be reduced to simple comparisons.

4. I choose to focus on my school’s progress rather than comparing it to others. Every improvement, no matter how small, moves us forward on our unique path to excellence.

5. I lead with authenticity and purpose. My worth as a leader is not measured by social media highlights or others’ perceived successes, but by the genuine difference I make in my school community every day.

I’ll put these phrases in the show notes.

Think about these power phrases and how you can use them throughout your day.

If you can shift your mindset from comparison to gratitude and focus on wins, you’ll be a better leader and much happier.

I hope you found some helpful tips in this episode.

If you love the show and you’re listening on Apple, scroll down and leave a review.

That helps others find the show.

Keep in mind, you have the power to shape your life according to the mindset you choose.

I hope you have a great week, and I’ll see you back here next time.